Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
