i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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