you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
