ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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