Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
