Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
