ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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