Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
