I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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