I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
