Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
