I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
