some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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