Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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