so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
