i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
