I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
