My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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