Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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