he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
