You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
