I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
