Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
