Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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