So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
