Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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