Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
