I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
