When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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