Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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