I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
