His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
