I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
