U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
