i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
