I will die if light touches me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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