we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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