I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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