Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
