Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
