Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize