im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
