i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
