What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
