Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize