You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
