Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
