i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
