He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We left the knife in your bed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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