Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
