Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
