I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
