why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
