No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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