I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
