I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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