I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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