my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
