i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
