If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize