I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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