just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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