At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
organizing the empties. That sober.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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