I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize