Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
