you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
