We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
