She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
