you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
