Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
